A New Solution for a Solvable Problem  

Friday, May 13, 2005

With all the discussion everywhere about illegal immigration and the Minuteman Project, an issue which I think is being handled all wrong by the President (despite my undying support for him on most fronts), I got to thinking today, and well ...

I thought about the Minuteman Project and what is was able to accomplish, and the complaints that we just don't have enough military resources to efficiently patrol the borders.

Of course, while I agree with President Bush on a great many things, this is one issue I think he's really screwing up badly. All but one of the September 11 terrorists were in the US illegally. This should be considered the first and most important line of defense in the War on Terror. Unfortunately, the Prez is having problems understanding the fact that Vicente Farks doesn't give a rat's ass about the United States, as long as there are Mexicans here sending money back to Mexico to support his lame-ass excuse for an economy.

Then, as I was taking time out to visit with my good friend The Old Sage, it hit me right between the eyes. The solution was staring me right in the face all along in my support for the Minuteman Project. The President could easily make this thing work without costing a red cent more to cover the borders with the military, and just simply call on all Americans to do their part in defending the borders. With his incredible pursuasiveness and ability to inspire the American people, all he would have to do is ask. This speech, though composed by me, would be easily deliverable by President Bush, and would inspire many Americans to help...

My fellow Americans:

Today, I stand before you in recognition of a problem we have been trying to solve for a long time. All but one of the terrorists who attacked our country in 2001 were here illegally, and many who come across our borders every year are here with less than good intentions.

In April of this year, a group of patriotic American citizens gathered to help patrol the Arizona border with Mexico. Armed only with cell phones, these great Americans helped to significantly reduce the flow of illegal immigration in the areas they patrolled.

Meanwhile, our servicemen and women are busy with the formidible task of taking the war to the terrorists, forcing these evildoers and the rogue regimes that support them to fight in their own territory, and bringing the blessings of Freedom to those whom they have oppressed. For this, they deserve our unending praise, support, and admiration.

But the War on Terror cannot be won by our soldiers alone. Like our own Revolution, our citizens must participate in the protection of our homeland. Huge tasks such as hunting down dangerous terrorists should be left to our honorable soldiers; but more simple ones, such as securing our borders, will require the help of every patriotic American.

Today, I call on all Americans to be on the lookout for suspicious activity. If you live in a border state, use your right to peacefully assemble to gather in areas where illegal crossings take place. Alert the INS and the Border Patrol of the activities of people entering the country illegally. Help anyone who is sick, and feed anyone who is hungry, but use your power as Americans to couple this compassion with zeal for the protection of our liberty and the security of our borders.

America has, for many years, been known as the Land of Opportunity. Unfortunately, many have sought to seek the opportunity to use our good nature in an attempt to destroy us. It is time for every American to stand tall and participate in guarding those freedoms which are, and always will be, dear to us and what we stand for.

God bless you, and God bless America.

Well, what say, Mr. President?


Note: President Bush is hereby authorized to use this speech verbatim if he so wishes, without fear of prosecution for plagiaraism. This issue is far too important.