DU: Dear Dismayed Conservatives  

Thursday, November 09, 2006

This was hilarious.

Dear dismayed conservatives:

I hereby make these promises to you.
Promises? Like when Bill Clinton promised a tax cut in his campaign then gave us the biggest tax increase in history? I'm not holding my breath.
We will protect your lives and livelihoods.
Except, of course, when it means that we actually have to go to war to protect our lives. Except when it means tax cuts to protect our livelihoods.
We will listen to and respect your beliefs.
Except if you believe that having the Ten Commandments clearly posted in courtrooms and public buildings is a fair reminder to jurists that American law is ultimately derived from scripture.
We will never try to force you to change your religion, sexual orientation, or first language.
As if conservatives had ever tried to do any of this.
We will do our best to reduce the number of abortions in our country.
By standing up for unconstitutional acts of the courts such as Roe v. Wade and laws permitting abortion on demand.
We will have no tolerance for corruption and cronyism, even in our own party.
Including members of the party who commit perjury.
ESPECIALLY in our own party.
Yeah right. Like I'm supposed to believe Hitlery Clinton, Ted Kennedy, John Kerry, Harry Reid, or Bob Menendez will be shown the door any day soon. I'll believe it when I see it.
We will never tell you that you are unpatriotic.
Is ANYONE believing this crap?
We will never tell you that your opinion doesn't count.
Unless, as Bill Clinton once put it, you are an "angry white male".
We will never waste your lives for power.
Even though empowering terrorists by cutting and running from Iraq is a major recurring theme at DU.
We will hold our leaders to a high ethical standard and when they succumb to lust for power, WE WILL HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE.
Just like you did with Bill Cinton, Teddy Kennedy, Hitlery Clinton, and Bob Menendez.
If we forget this, please, please, please, remind us.
I'm reminding you right now of your track record, DU. Can you give any reason for anyone to believe that you would advocate really implementing what you are saying here?
We need you to do this. You are America as much as we are.

Let's go.
I'm glad to see you guys finally had a revelation over there at DU. Unfortunately, I see more potential in the Donk Party itself than I do in you, which isn't much in either case.

What we really need are people who will read and implement the Constitution. Perhaps having the Donks in power will show America just how bad both of these parties are, and bring about REAL SUBSTANTIVE change in the parties. If not, watch for a new party to kick both of your sorry-ass parties out.