Frankenstein Makes It Official - He's a Socialist Loony!  

Friday, February 16, 2007

Last year, I predicted that Al Frankenstein would be running for Senate in Minnesota. It was too easy. Any moron could have seen it. Al simply took a page from Hitlery's book and moved to a state where he figured he was popular enough to win. Since there was really no place that could boast that kind of looniness, he simply went back to the state he grew up in. Any idiot could have figured that one out.

A couple of weeks ago, it was reported that this is exactly what was going on - a year after I predicted it. What I couldn't have predicted was this guy's willingness to pull a Mondale and announce to all of the voters in Minnesota just what a fucking crazy socicalist nutcase he is at the getgo. You'd think just maybe he might have learned the only way a liberal can win is to do what Bill Clinton did - lie. Say you're not liberal. Say you're not a socialist shitbag with an agenda. Smile into the camera when you're supposed to be happy about what you're saying, and by all means cry if that's what you think the voters want to see. Clinton was the greatest master of this I have ever seen. There are many people who still believe every lie he ever told. They're everywhere, especially in the "Blue" parts of the country.

So check out this shit. Here's how Frankenstein announced his candidacy:

Hi, I'm Al Franken. I'm running for the United States Senate here in Minnesota.

I'd like to talk to you about why I'm running.

I'm not a typical politician. I've spent my career as a comedian. Minnesotans have a right to be skeptical about whether I'm ready for this challenge, and to wonder how seriously I would take the responsibility that I'm asking you to give me.

I want you to know: nothing means more to me than making government work better for the working families of this state, and over the next twenty months I look forward to proving to you that I take these issues seriously.
Dude. No one ever took you seriously, even as a comedian. Frankly, running for Senate is the funniest thing you've done in your public life. For once, I'm actually LAUGHING.
Today, however, I want to take a few moments to explain to you why I take these issues personally.

My family moved to Albert Lea from New Jersey when I was four years old. My dad never graduated high school and never had a career as such, but my mom’s father, my grandpa, owned a quilting factory out East and gave my dad a chance to start up a new factory in Albert Lea. After about two years, the factory failed, and we moved up to the Twin Cities.
What a nice way to start out a commie story of woe.
Years later, I asked my dad, "Why Albert Lea?" And he said, "Well, your grandfather wanted to open a factory in the Midwest, and the railroad went through Albert Lea."

So, I asked him, "Why did the factory fail?"

And he said, "Well, it went through Albert Lea, but it wouldn’t stop."

That was my dad - great guy, terrible businessman. He got a job as a printing salesman, and my mom worked as a real estate agent. The four of us - I have an older brother, Owen - lived in a two-bedroom, one-bath house in St. Louis Park.
Great guy, maybe. Terrible businessman, sure. But I'll tell you one thing. Even that lame-ass excuse for a joke is better than anything Al's come up with in years. Maybe Old Man Frankenstein should have tried his hand at comedy ...

Just a thought ...
That was my childhood. I grew up in a hard-working middle class family just like many of yours. And as a middle-class kid growing up in Minnesota back then, I felt like the luckiest kid in the world. And I was.
And here, my good friends, is the essence of liberal thought. You have what you have and live how you live because of the LUCK you have, not because of anything special you or your parents may have actually DONE. It's life's lottery. And by being born, you have been FORCED to buy a ticket.
My wife, Franni, whom I met our freshman year of college, wasn’t quite as lucky. When she was seventeen months old, her dad - a decorated veteran of World War II - died in a car accident, leaving her mother, my mother-in-law, widowed with five kids.

My mother-in-law worked in the produce department of a grocery store, but that family made it because of Social Security survivor benefits. Sometimes there wasn’t enough food on the table, sometimes they turned off the heat in the winter - this was in Portland, Maine, almost as cold as Minnesota - but they made it. (my emphasis)
That family made it BECAUSE of Socialist Security? Hmm ... Does this fuckwad actually expect me to believe that his mother-in-law was actually the FIRST woman to ever be widowed in America with five kids? Am I supposed to believe that no pre-socialist era woman ever succeeded in raising a family of that size without a handy-dandy husband around to provide for her?

Al, get off the fucking pity party, ok? You're making me want to barf all over my keyboard. Let's face it. Men died all the time in the eighteenth century. Many left behind even bigger families than the one you're talking about. Most of them made out just fine without these socialist programs. Don't you think Washington, Jefferson, Madison, Adams, et. al., took people like this into consideration when they wrote the Constitution? Don't you think that if they had seen any merit to the idea of socialism, they'd have expressly included it in the Constitution? Have you even stopped to think about this instead of letting these shitheads into your thought processes and then turning around and regurgitating their sob stories in the hopes of advancing a bullshit agenda? You are full of it, Al, and you can expect you to have your ass handed to you in the election, if not in the primary.
My mother-in-law and every single one of those five kids became a productive member of society. Conservatives like to say that people need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps - and that’s a great idea. But first, you’ve got to have the boots. And the government gave my wife’s family the boots.
You don't need boots to rake leaves. You don't even need boots to join the Coast Guard. You want boots? Get out and earn them. You don't need the government for that. Do you really think people are that helpless and stupid, Al?
That's what progressives like me believe the government is there for. To provide security for middle-class families like the one I grew up in, and opportunity for working poor families like the one Franni grew up in.
And herein lies the folly of your entire premise. You believe that the government's purpose (what it's there for) is to provide (financial) security and (financial) opportunity. Of course, these provisions are only available to "middle-class" and "working poor" families. Everyone else gets to foot the bill.

Mr. Frankenstein, based on your words, I would suppose you haven't taken the time to read the Declaration of Independence, but let me take a moment to enlighten you as to the philosophy that drives AMERICAN government's purpose (what it's there for)
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed ... (my emphasis)
So, idiot, we are all equal in our creation, so you can't treat one person or group of people any differently than you do any other, and that the purpose of government isn't to provide ANYTHING, but rather to secure the unalienable rights. Get it? NO Socialist security, NO Pell grants, NO free boots. Oh, and the Constitution was written as it was to support this very philosophy, so don't get started with this crap that the Declaration isn't what we go by. The Constitution and the Declaration go hand in hand, and if you don't know that and accept that, you are unfit for office, which we already know you are. If the voters allow you a seat in the Senate, they deserve the fate that accompanies such an un-American deed.
Last year I traveled all over the state of Minnesota ... and maybe a few too many Dairy Queens along the way. But most importantly, I talked to Minnesotans and listened.

They told me that they're sick of politics as usual-and they're sick of the usual politicians.
So you come on and give them the same socialist politics-as-usual. Start writing your concession speech, Al.
And I'll tell you what else they told me. It's different now than it was for me and Franni. When Franni's sisters were using them to go to college, Pell Grants paid for 90% of a college education. Today, they pay for 40%. And President Bush, with the help of his Republican allies in Congress, have even tried to privatize Social Security. You should have heard Franni when they tried to do that.
Fuck Franni. Since when does anyone in this country have a right to a college education on someone else's dime? Given that Pell grants and Socialist Security should have never been public sector ventures, I'd say they would be better off in the private sector if they were to exist at all. At least that way people would be responsible for their own success or failure. Isn't that what America is all about?
It's different for middle-class families, too. These families are being squeezed harder and harder every year. Maybe you know what it's like to be one health crisis away from bankruptcy. Maybe you, or your parents or grandparents, can't afford prescriptions. Maybe you have kids, and you’re worried about paying for their college. Maybe someone you love is in Iraq, and you don’t know how long they'll have to stay there, or what will happen when they come home.(my emphasis)

Middle-class families today struggle with that feeling of insecurity-the sense that things can fall apart without notice, outside of your control.
Al, wake up. EVERY family struggles with this, including those who we think have the means not to. I myself happen to be one health crisis away from bankruptcy. Hell, make that ANY finincial crisis, health or otherwise. I have kids (two daughters) and yes, I'm worried about paying for their college (and their weddings, etc.). If I didn't have this ridiculous tax bill to deal with every year, I just might not have so much to worry about. Are you getting the idea?
Your government should have your back. That should be our mission in Washington, the one FDR gave us during another challenging time: freedom from fear.
FDR can go fuck himself. It's his socialist bullshit that got us into this mess in the first place. How can the government, rightly called by Thomas Paine "in its best state a necessary evil, in its worst state an intolerable one" be trusted to "have my back"? Fuck that. I'll cover my own back, thank you. And if you loony leftards would simply respect the Second Amendment, I could do it with my own gun.
President Clinton used to say that there's nothing wrong with America that can't be fixed by what's right with America, or, as I would add, by what's right with Minnesota.
Well, you know, even a stopped clock is right twice a day. Still, doesn't this quote sound a bit like something President Reagan might say??? Heck, given what we know about Clinton and the truth, can anyone really trust that he even meant it?
We can lead the fight against global warming and dependence on foreign oil by developing new sources of renewable energy - and create good Minnesota jobs in the process.
If, that is, someone can provide conclusive proof that people are responsible for this so-called "global warming", which hasn't even conclusively been proven to be happening, let alone to be caused by humans. Al, look at what you are saying. You are saying that some socialaist program is the way to solve a problem that could much more easily be solved by stuffing a sock into Al Gore's mouth.

There is also no such thing as "renewable energy". Once energy is used, it's used. You can't get it back or "renew" it. You learn that in high school physics. Maybe you should go back for a refresher course.
We can lead the nation in finding life-saving cures by harnessing the potential of stem-cell research.
Sheesh. I'm not even going to go there. Mr. Minority - care to comment????
We can lead the nation by sending someone to the Senate who'll be a voice for a strong and responsible America, one that uses its relationship with our allies to create a better and more secure world for ourselves and for future generations.
Well, I'd say the last person to be a voice for a strong and responsible America would be Al Frankenstein, or any Donk for that matter, save one that would go against their party line and dismantle the socialism we've had crammed down our throats and resolve to win the War on Terror. What's all this bullshit about allies anyway?? Wouldn't a strong America be strong enough to succeed without relying on the support of "allies"?? Doesn't this get back to the independence concept that I've been hammering through this whole post? If we are the most worthy country in the world (which we are), and we're the most powerful country in the world (which we are), then why the fuck do we need allies? Sure, allies would be nice to have, but if they're all WRONG, then what good are they? Thank God we do have some allies that are right. I wish we could say the same for everyone who seeks or holds public office.
My political hero is Paul Wellstone.
Enough said.

Al, please shut the fuck up before you waste what's left of your credibility.

I'll be surprised if this shitweasel wins the primary, but he has no chance of winning the election. Even if he gets lucky and does, can you think of anything funnier than this guy taking the Senate floor and spewing this bullshit?